Top 5 awfully lazy ‘slummy mummy’ meals

Awful isn’t it. The thought that as mums and dads we might sometimes (most of the time) feed our kids meals which didn’t take hours to prepare, or have all of their 5-a-day organic vegetables that they’ve never heard of in them.

The Daily Mail called us ‘slummy mummies‘ last year, in the light of the popularity of [bloody brilliant] blogs such as Hurrah For Gin and The Unmumsy Mum.

How dare we feed our kids fish fingers and drink alcohol even when it’s 1pm?

To celebrate being am ordinary slummy mummy, here are some of my go-to quick meals that I regularly give to my three kids: Amélie aged 7, Geneviève aged 4 and Rafe aged 21 months.

1. Something on toast (pick off the small bits of mould if necessary). Beans are cheap, tasty and can be microwaved in a takeaway container in just 2 minutes, meanwhile you’ve toasted and buttered the bread. If you’re feeling extravagant you could grate cheese on top. Alternatively, crack a couple of eggs into a jug with a glug of milk and microwave for a minute, stir and microwave for another minute. Sorted. And actually quite wholesome.

2. Pasta bake. YES I MEAN A JAR OF PASTA BAKE SAUCE. Call social services, I didn’t make the sauce myself because I couldn’t be bothered and it looked at me from the shelf in Aldi looking all easy and simple. Chuck some pasta in a pie dish, pour over the sauce, fill the jar with water and shake, then pour that over. Mix it all up in the dish and add some cheese and, if you’re feeling fancy, some cherry toms, bake for 15 mins then stir and bake for another 15 mins. You did not make the sauce yourself, hurrah for not being too proud to use a jar once in a while.

3. Pizza. Shop bought pizza. Yes that’s right, also not homemade.

4. Tinned potatoes, fish fingers and frozen sweetcorn. I think we all know that sweetcorn has next to no nutritional value as everyone has seen it ejected completely whole, in their toddler’s poo. But adding sweetcorn to a meal relieves some of the working/busy parent guilt.

Now doesn’t that look pretty? Who cares!

5. Corned beef and baked bean cottage pie. Stop pretending you’re too good to eat Corned beef. It’s yummy. Pour a tin of beans into a pie dish, add on top of that the chopped up corned beef and some mixed frozen vegetables, and then make some cheat mash to the top: forget peeling potatoes, just chop them, boil them then mash the hell out of them with some milk and a knob of butter. Leaving the potatoes skin-in actually means that the top of the pie goes nice and crispy. Then when your kid says they don’t like that bit you can eat it yourself.

I even put some peas on the side for decoration, also because I forgot to add the frozen veg to the pie.

Take that, Daily Fail 🤜

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